I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
