is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
