I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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