you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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