Sry I called you an 8
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
