what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
