So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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