Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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