Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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