i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
