We're like a lot better than the average bears
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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