I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
