Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
