i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
