Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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