her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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