btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
