Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
