And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
