if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
