I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
