he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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