The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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