I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
