Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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