burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Shame - the story of my life.
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