i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
