yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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