Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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