I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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