You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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