we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
