How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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