I faked an abortion last night.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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