Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
