I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize