I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
