i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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