If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
