Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
