Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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