sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
