like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
