She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
