billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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