Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
