At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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