Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do vagina's smell?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
