that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
