I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
whose parrot is this?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
