birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They took my balls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
