never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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