you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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