Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
