I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
