I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
