So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize