the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
