i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
