I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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