walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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