You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
