2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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