let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
