your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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