So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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