Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize