your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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